yup
If you get my email, than you’ll know that this is a direct copy. If you’d like to get my email, then send me a massage I also omitted 2 animated gifs because they were making my computer sweat.
Yay! It’s that special day, the one and only, when I fulfill all of your dreams with an email from me. Hi. This week was slightly entertaining and filled with adventure. As usual, nothing has really changed in my life, I still work at planit, I still don’t have a couch, I still eat kimchi everyday (that’s a lie) and I still have an iPhone. Life’s great. Other people, have had some pretty exciting changes occur in their lives so let’s focus on them, shall we? Tally-hoooooo
Oh HAWK, how do I love thee, let me county the ways. Ben and the labes at Copper river (that’s the name of their pad - it’s a psycadelic new-mexican log cabin - i.e mexically rugs, pieces of random religious junk/art, and an excuse to have salmon colored walls) have introduced a new member to their family - HAWK. Look at her, she’s perfect in every way. Let’s take a moment to relish in her beauty and doggie prettiness.
~~~~~~~pause~~~~~~
I love her, and one day she will be a member of my home, at least a piece of her will. Now, as most of you are probably wondering, why HAWK? How Ben came up with that name is a mystery. I believe that her actual name is something link chin-chin-burra-burra (penis wiggle for those who don’t speak japanese). Ahh, sorry, I can’t, she is too perfect. I love her, as you should. the end.
This weekend was exciting; we founda treysure mayp! No, seriously, it was awesome and unfortunately someone who would have enjoyed it thoroughly was too busy reading about dead people in their nook. We found said map while walking HAWK on Saturday at the Roland Park water tower, which should actually be called the Citadel. The Citadel.’s doors were open ever so slightly and the map had been delicately placed in a jar just within an arms reach of the doors. I refused to touch it because I was sure it either contained herpes or that the Citadel.’s goblin would bite my hand off. So, Derrick the newguy, stepped up and nabbed the jar from the depths of the Citadel. hahaha, i love when you’re writing and you just laugh. Fast foward, the map took us (actually my iPhone’s GPS) took us to 1017 Roland Heights Ave where the treysure was to be found. The treysure was a timecapsule that had been buried in the backyard by two green-haired children. I’m not kidding, they had green hair. The kids were pretty awesome and they had a real chicken coop in their backyard. Most of the time was spent discussing the chickens and not the treysure, which is fine. Ben, who is looking more and more like Noah, expressed interest in getting chicken’s this summer. Being that we’re awesome, we decided not to dig up the time capsule because it had only been buried for a month. We agreed that it should sit for at least 2 more weeks before being discovered. Derrick the newguy put the map in a tree’s orriface on the way home, it was like watching someone sodomize nature.
Newsflash for those of you who think my last email was witty because I compared SL to BM. I am in fact, not witty or bright, I’m f*cking omni-potent. Whooo~
Let
s take a moment to talk about tranny hookers.
sigh
In #3, I discussed the frequency of poop and how frustrating it is when walking to/from work. This is way less worse than bad tranny hookers who wear new balance sneakers while on the beat. I’m not talking about those fancy new balance sneakers, I’m talking about the ones that look like old, gray, footballs. Really? I just don’t understand. If you’re going to take the time to tuck, put on a wig, and wear an incredibly short skirt, at least have the decency to put on a pair of nikes or k-swiss. Also, shave your face. While on the way home the other night, I encountered a woman whom I will call Brent-a. Allow me to paint
6’1
at least 210 (she would cut me if I said that)
full 5:30 0’clock shadow
a blonde wig (of which was purchased from dollar value. I’m pretty sure a kid with OCD for playin dress up wouldn’t even wear it)
short jean skirt
gay-belly shirt
white ankle socks
expensive looking fake
and
gray new balance sneakers
I actually don’t have a high student loan balance, I’m addicted to Brent-a’s. 
*see link - http://ihopeyovaginatite.ytmnd.com/ - this was made by _ i _ _ _ e _ _ e _ o r e. I’d like to think that this email influenced this amazing work of art. Do you hear that _ i _ _ _ e _ _ e _ o r e? You’re the artist now dog!
OMG - who’s thinking what I’m thinking? YTAND! That would be hilarious, forget vvork.com, let’s start ytand.com Who’s with me?
Oh Oh, I fixed my bike seat! Thank you Zack Ricther! You are a godsend! Having not ridden my bike for the past few weeks has actually made me realize how absolutely dangerous and stupid it is to ride fixed track. As a side note, I love how often people mess up the name. Fixed track, single fixed, track road, prostate massuese… Anyway, I really need a helmet, shin guards, and a wrist brace. I’m accepting donations for the wrist brace.
http://www.saveie6.com/index.php
I signed up, you should too.
I just had a new realization, I think I’m obsessed with asian tranny’s. Not in the physical sense, as I think that’s fapping disgusting, but in the meta-physical art conceptual being. Perhaps the idea of talking about asian tranny boys, i dunno, it’s just funny, no? Of course, I’m completely aware of the lewdness of the situation. Really, i think I just like saying asiantrannyboy. It’s funny.
This is all I’ve got for today, I’m sorry it couldn’t be longer. Some people seem to find my email confusing, disgusting, or downright dumb. If you’d like to be removed from my list, then please send me an email and I will sadly remove you. Before you do, I ask that you visit http://apina.biz/1101. I looked twice….that is all.
Everyone, welcome zach richter. He is a talented designer and a good man. Zach was a graphic designer / artist who lived and workedin Minneapolis, Minnesota. He graduated from Maryland Institute College of Art in May and packed his bags to start work in the upper midwest. He contributed to Piece Studio, a socially based design collaborative run out of East Baltimore. His work has been recognized by The Art Directors Club in New York City, the Copycat Gallery in Baltimore, and has been published in Print Magazine, Graphic Design: Structure and Experiment by Princeton Architectural Press and in MICA: Inside Out. Welcome Zach, Welcome.
